Lover boy: Hellooo missy, how are you today?
Girl: (giggles and bats eye lids in embarrassment) I’m fine thank you
Lover boy: wow you look amazing, where are you off to? In fact scratch that, where are you from? Cause there is no way someone as beautiful as you can be from around here
Girl: (more giggles accompanied by a raised heel and slight twist) – ha! You’re not serious. I am from around here actually
Boy – No I am, I’m very serious (begins smizing and looking deeply into her soul) I wanna know where you’re from, what you do, everything
Girl – well I just turnt 21, moved back down to London from Uni – *gets cut off*
Boy – where did you study?
Girl – you haven’t even asked my name yet (giggles)
Boy – you see, you’re distracting me! (Both laugh) Nah I’m playing, what’s your name beautiful?
Girl – Amber
Boy – alright Amber, I’ll tell you what, let’s cut to the chase. I wanna know everything about you, and I think you’re stunning. I live around this area too but I’m already late for work, my name is Antonio, and I’d love to grab a coffee some time or go for a drink. So how about we exchange contact details and take it from there?
Girl – (still smiling btw) yeah that sounds like a plan…
Inside Boys head – OMG that girl is amazing, look at her. Bloody hell!
Inside Boys head – nah seriously, that girl is beautiful, look at her smile, she can dress, and her … Are massive!
Inside Boys head- Okay F’ it, I’m doing it!
Boy – how are you today? (Shakey voice)
Girl – …
Boy – heyy, (Waves hand like Carlton from Fresh Prince) just being friendly over here
Girl – oh! Are you talking to me? Sorry I couldn’t hear you properly
Boy – that’s alright, how you doing? My names Jeffrey, yours? (Reaches out a hand)
Girl – (reluctantly reaches back) Jessica
Inside Boys head – (shit! That was a closed question, errrm okay try this)
Boy – nice to meet you Jessica, wh-what you doing round here?
Inside boys head – I wonder if people can hear me, they might laugh, okay let me not be too noisy
Girl – errrm I live here, how about you?
Boy – I work around here, pretty cool area to live in right? You like it?
Inside Boys head – Ffs man that’s a dead question, she looks bored already
Girl – yeah it’s pretty cool (begins to slowly side step away)
Inside Boys Head – she’s trying to get away! And people can see, gosh. Say something!
Boy – you in a rush?
Girl – errrm not really, but got what I need now so gonna head home (slight smile)
Inside Boys head – she smiled! If you ask now you’ve got it in the bag mate! Ahh but how?
Boy – okay sweet, I don’t wanna keep you then, how about I take your number so I can get to know you a bit better?
Girl – no sorry, it was nice talking to you though
Boy – alright no worries, take care…
The end. Lol
Okay so did you enjoy that?
I hope so cause it took me a while to put that together, nah I’m joking, it didn’t really, but I sure enjoyed writing it 😁
Okay so the anti-climax of the story has probably got you thinking… What’s the lesson Carl?
Have you ever heard of the training vs the trusting mindset? If not, what you just read was the training and trusting mindset in a nutshell
The Training Mindset
Recognize the way boy number 2 analyzed everything? There was a lot going on in his head (mainly negative), but he was doing what comes naturally to human beings: Rationalizing the situation and adding lots of information to it.
The Trusting Mindset
You see how boy number 1 just said exactly what he thought was right, he just went in there and started flowing. This is the trusting mindset, not to be confused with ‘let me just do it and see what happens’ but instead, ‘I’m confident enough to go in there and say what comes naturally to me’.
The whole point of me writing this blog is to get you to understand the difference between the training and the trusting mindset, and figure out when and where they are necessary. I could have used many different scenario’s, but the above one seemed funny to me, and one that many people can relate to.
The most successful tasks are performed in the trusting mindset. The reason for this is because when people are in high-pressure situations, they do what comes naturally to them; essentially their habits come out. So if you’ve built the right habits, then when those situations arise your performance levels will be high.
Whether you’re stepping out onto the football pitch, presenting a new idea in the team meeting or going into an exam, the trusting mindset is what you need because it helps you do what you’re best at without worrying about the external factors you can’t control.
When you’re talking to a girl, can you control what she thinks? Or the nosey people around you?
When you’re on the football pitch, can you control what the crowd sais or does? How about the refereeing decisions?
And finally, in an exam hall, can you control the time? Or how about the annoying person that is asking for extra paper even though you’re only on your second question?! (Hated those nerds)
But in all of those circumstances, there is one thing you can control, and that is your mind. Your mind is the key to your high performance in any situation, more than your pen, your fitness or even your co-worker who keeps smiling at you during your presentation for support.
You see, when I play football, if I do a really good skill or run through a few players, when people ask me to repeat it or walk them through how I did it, I usually find it really difficult. This is because I was in the trusting mindset, I have practiced the craft enough to rely on my pool of talent to do the magic when the time comes. This is something that everyone can relate to, whether you believe it or not.
Over your life, you’ve accrued skills and techniques in different areas, and when you need to call on them, you can. The only problem is, when it’s time, you usually operate from the training mindset, which causes you to analyze and interpret a whole load of external factors that you can’t control, causing you to try and adjust your performance according to those things.
This is you using a part of your brain called your cerebral cortex. Now the cerebral cortex is a good thing, however it needs to be used in the right situations.
Dr John Eliot in the Maverick Mindset uses the example of a squirrel running across wire 50 ft in the air. 9 times out of 10 the squirrel will get to the other end with no problems. The reason why is because the squirrel does what comes naturally to it without analyzing external factors. It steps on the wire and adjusts it’s body and speed according to what it feels whilst on the wire, with the one, single aim of getting to the other end.
The difference between a human and a squirrel, is that the human has the ability to rationalize the situation before running across the wire. Therefore we start analyzing information, ‘is this safe?’ Can the wire take all my weight?’ ‘What if I fall?’, etc.
This is an extreme example but I hope you get my point. When it’s time to perform or produce the goods, you need to have the mind of a squirrel, essentially your mind needs to be empty. Because the only thing you need to do is perform the task to the best of your ability, and you can’t do that when you’re thinking about external forces.
The training mindset is needed, but not all the time. So it is widely recommended that we try and spend 60% of our time in the trusting mindset vs 40% of our time in the training mindset.
If you do this, when it is time to perform, your habits will be ‘performing’ habits, and the more you perform the better you become.
So ask yourself, how much time do I spend preparing to perform (which is important but should always be less than performance time), and how much time do I spend actually performing?
Here’s a few examples of preparing and performing tasks to illustrate what you should spend more time doing
- Writing to-do lists
- Buying gym gear and looking at meal plans
- Writing your goals out
- Talking to people about your business ideas
- Working out in the gym
- Delivering presentations (practicing in front of people counts too)
- Making sales calls
- Starting your business!
This was a long post, but hopefully it was worth it.
Trust your ability to perform when the pressure is on, and if you don’t feel comfortable performing, you just need more practice actually performing the task, not thinking, talking or writing about it, but doing it!
So my advice to any Boy Number 2’s out there, go practice in front of the mirror, and if that doesn’t work, feel free give me a call for some advice 😉
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‘Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend.’ – Bruce Lee